| Pages in topic: < [1 2 3 4] > | Rules of trying to raise a child trilingual Thread poster: Britta Dennisen
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| when parents do not speak each other's language | May 8, 2010 |
Hi,
I have enjoyed reading the posts.
We have somewhat of a similar situation as mentioned in earlier post but slightly different. I am French, my husband Mexican, and we live in the US. We don't really speak each other's language -- we've always talked to each other in English and are both fluent in English.
I read that it is better for me to talk to our future baby in French, my husband in Spanish, and then when we talk to each other we can speak in English. But what... See more Hi,
I have enjoyed reading the posts.
We have somewhat of a similar situation as mentioned in earlier post but slightly different. I am French, my husband Mexican, and we live in the US. We don't really speak each other's language -- we've always talked to each other in English and are both fluent in English.
I read that it is better for me to talk to our future baby in French, my husband in Spanish, and then when we talk to each other we can speak in English. But what about when the three of us are together? Do we still talk to our child in our respective mother tongue, with one of us not understanding what the other says to our child? That doesn't seem to make sense to me to create the feeling of one family. But then if when we are the three of us together, we talk in English, are we hindering the learning process for the French or Spanish language?
I know we can learn each other's language, & we're trying to do that, but we have very demanding jobs and being fluent in the other's language will take a while.
I would really appreciate any insights on how to manage the situation. I just can't imagine being at the dinner table and talking to my child in French with my husband not understanding what I say.
One comment also mentioned to use the language one is the most comfortable with... and I have to say that after 13 years in the US, I think so much in English, it's going to take me a while to spontaneously talk in French all the time with our baby. Anyone has experienced that strange feeling of being more comfortable in your second language? and how did this affect trying to speak your mother tongue to your children?
thank you! ▲ Collapse
| | | | | Don't worry... | May 9, 2010 |
...that your partner may not understand the letter of what you are telling your child, context should clue him into the spirit of what you are saying (the same applies to you when he is using his L1 to speak to the child).
The benefits of raising a succesfully bilingual child - that special "gift of love" as I always call it - far outweigh any social considerations and your partner will probably be the first to recognise that.
You will be surprised at how a thing which ... See more ...that your partner may not understand the letter of what you are telling your child, context should clue him into the spirit of what you are saying (the same applies to you when he is using his L1 to speak to the child).
The benefits of raising a succesfully bilingual child - that special "gift of love" as I always call it - far outweigh any social considerations and your partner will probably be the first to recognise that.
You will be surprised at how a thing which strikes you as unnatural will seem totally normal once it is put into practice. After all, when you (or he) speak to relatives who only speak your respective L.1s, you just have to accept that you don't understand and get on with it, don't you? As I say, the benefits of what you are achieving far outweigh any minor drawbacks.
BTW the most curious multi-lingual family I knew was one in which Dad was Arab, Mum was Dutch. They did not speak each other's languages, but communicated in English. Their child, by seven years old, was fluent in Arabic and Dutch and had a good grounding in English. On top of that, he was fluent in the local language of where they lived: Japan!
Young kids don't learn languages, they absorb them! ▲ Collapse
| | | | KiraMV (X)
Israel
Local time: 09:57
English to Hebrew
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hi,
it was so intersting to read about all these situations, since I've been trying to find as much information as possible about raising trilingual children. I especially identified myself with Sophie, because I ask myself the same questions!
Our case is like this: I am a Russian speaker, my husband Spanish-English, and we live in Israel. I am very concerned about giving our children (still don't have any) at least Russian, Spanish and Hebrew (English I hope he will learn later), be... See more hi,
it was so intersting to read about all these situations, since I've been trying to find as much information as possible about raising trilingual children. I especially identified myself with Sophie, because I ask myself the same questions!
Our case is like this: I am a Russian speaker, my husband Spanish-English, and we live in Israel. I am very concerned about giving our children (still don't have any) at least Russian, Spanish and Hebrew (English I hope he will learn later), because our parents don't speak Hebrew, AND they live abroad, so it's very crucial for me to insist that children speak the three languages. Between each other we speak Hebrew, because my spanish is very basic, and his Russian consists of a few words. So, first, I also wonder what to do when we are altogether? I am afraid that speaking at home Hebrew will reduce our efforts for speaking the two other languages. Second - as i can see amng many friends of ours here, children in Israel want to speak only Hebrew!! i don't know why, maybe because it's relatively easier to speak, but this phenomenon is really common. My friend's son told her: "don't speak to me Russian". what are we supposed to do in such a predicament? also, people in Israel are not very encouraging on the subject, many of them have this "disorder" we-live-in-israel-so-we-should-speak-only-hebrew, that's why many kids who start going to kindergardens (very early) and schools prefer always Hebrew.
I know that I will try to be stubborn and consistent, but I'd love to hear some more tips.
Thank you! ▲ Collapse
| | | | | Setting good habits. | Jun 24, 2010 |
Hi Kira,
When you do get around to having kids, I think it will just be a matter of setting up good habits. Consistency appears to be the most important issue! You should speak to your kids in your own language and your husband should speak to them in the language he feels most comfortable in. Then they'll learn Hebrew by local immersion. The most difficult thing might be maintaining this good habit outside the house. But if you have always spoken to your kids consistently at home ... See more Hi Kira,
When you do get around to having kids, I think it will just be a matter of setting up good habits. Consistency appears to be the most important issue! You should speak to your kids in your own language and your husband should speak to them in the language he feels most comfortable in. Then they'll learn Hebrew by local immersion. The most difficult thing might be maintaining this good habit outside the house. But if you have always spoken to your kids consistently at home in that combination of languages, then they should just take it as natural.
You might find that when they get to school age, they get more interested in Hebrew, but keep plugging away at the other languages. In my case, I thought my daughter had lost all intertest in English when she went to the local Catalan school. However, as soon as we visted Britain and she got among English monolingual children, she blossomed as an English speaker (CBeebies on TV helped too )
Good luck with that special adventure that is passing on your language and culture to your kids. ▲ Collapse
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| a little observation... | Jun 24, 2010 |
nobody's worried about the possible lack of identity in the child? Or his/her competence in the written language? Or - for fathers and mothers - been excluded from the mother-child/father-child relationship if both (parent+child) speak the same language but not the father/mother? Just curious...
| | | | | Identity? = human being | Jun 24, 2010 |
If we allow ourselves to be concerned about the danger of a child not fitting in 100% into the community in which they live, then we should all avoid marrying foreigners, avoid emmigrating to a country (or in some places a county ) different from that of our birthplace.
If we don't avoid doing these things, because as human beings we rise above such petty regionalism, then no matter what happens, wherever we live, "lo... See more If we allow ourselves to be concerned about the danger of a child not fitting in 100% into the community in which they live, then we should all avoid marrying foreigners, avoid emmigrating to a country (or in some places a county ) different from that of our birthplace.
If we don't avoid doing these things, because as human beings we rise above such petty regionalism, then no matter what happens, wherever we live, "local" kids are going to say: "Your parents are different from my parents!" As that is inevitable, even if the immigrant parents adopt a "local monolingual" strategy, then why not just accept that you and your kids are never going to be viewed as "normal natives" and grant them the gift of being multi-lingual, which is going to open so many opportunities for them later in life and means they can communicate with their families in their parents' respective home countries.
For far too long we have let ourselves be identified by an exaggerated connection to the geographical accident of where we were born. My identity, like my daughters, is based on being a bipedal inhabitant of the planet Earth. IMHO, nations are only imaginary lines drawn on a map anyway. Besides, in today's modern Europe, how many small towns are left that only contain "native" inhabitants? I think your worry is less and less founded every year Giovanni. ▲ Collapse
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Berni Armstrong wrote:
I think your worry is less and less founded every year Giovanni.
I hope so... my point wasn't really about being accepted, though, but more of self-identity... am I British, Italian, Mexican or Brasilian? Sure, all of them put together, but where do I belong to? Which is my nationality or my homeland? As a Brit living abroad, Berni, you don't feel you lost your identity a bit? I think I have, regardless of the number of times I travel back every year...
| | | | | No problem for the children... | Jun 24, 2010 |
I have two grandsons in France, three and five years old. Both parents have Swedish as their first language, they go to school (French speaking), have English neighbours and regularly meet other English speakers.
Children have a wonderfully natural way of sorting different languages, in fact they are not 'different' to them, they move smoothly from one language to another as the situation changes.
Wonderful.
The thing is to be consistent, each parent should preferably stick to ... See more I have two grandsons in France, three and five years old. Both parents have Swedish as their first language, they go to school (French speaking), have English neighbours and regularly meet other English speakers.
Children have a wonderfully natural way of sorting different languages, in fact they are not 'different' to them, they move smoothly from one language to another as the situation changes.
Wonderful.
The thing is to be consistent, each parent should preferably stick to his or her first language as far as possible. ▲ Collapse
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KiraMV (X)
Israel
Local time: 09:57
English to Hebrew
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| the identity question | Jun 24, 2010 |
[ but where do I belong to? Which is my nationality or my homeland?
Giovanni,
i really understand your concern, I was born and raised in Ukraine for 19 years, and now I've been living in Israel for 9. sometimes, i feel i belong nowhere, and it's really frustrating! I've always thought I'd marry a Russian, and I'm married to an immigrant from Venezuela, whose mother is American - so imagine the mix of cultures in our family...
On the other hand, I would feel very sad if... See more [ but where do I belong to? Which is my nationality or my homeland?
Giovanni,
i really understand your concern, I was born and raised in Ukraine for 19 years, and now I've been living in Israel for 9. sometimes, i feel i belong nowhere, and it's really frustrating! I've always thought I'd marry a Russian, and I'm married to an immigrant from Venezuela, whose mother is American - so imagine the mix of cultures in our family...
On the other hand, I would feel very sad if my kids acquire only Israeli identity, it's most simple for them, but it won't enrich their lives in the way the additional cultures can contribute! and, of course, on of the ways to do that is to teach them the according languages. I think that eventually they will understand how lucky and special they are to have been raised in a multi-cultural atmosphere, there are so many benefits to that. And maybe we don't need to belong to one place - we can be citizens of the world, cosmopolitans ▲ Collapse
| | | | | I'm only British by passport! | Jun 24, 2010 |
Ah Giovanni,
I am only British by passport. I was born in Liverpool, spent my first five years on the road in a caravan. Then moved to Lagos, Nigeria until I was fifteen. I then lived in the UK for a bit, but with extended stays in the USA and Germany in-between, and then I happily exiled myself to Catalonia 24 years ago.
Perhaps that is why I do not feel troubled about not being British (or Nigerian, or Catalan - whatever those terms mean). Home is where the heart is ... See more Ah Giovanni,
I am only British by passport. I was born in Liverpool, spent my first five years on the road in a caravan. Then moved to Lagos, Nigeria until I was fifteen. I then lived in the UK for a bit, but with extended stays in the USA and Germany in-between, and then I happily exiled myself to Catalonia 24 years ago.
Perhaps that is why I do not feel troubled about not being British (or Nigerian, or Catalan - whatever those terms mean). Home is where the heart is and my heart belongs to my lovely Spanish/Catalan wife ▲ Collapse
| | | | | second generation trilingual in a fourth country | Jun 25, 2010 |
First of all, am very happy to have found this discussion. I think growing up in a trilingual family is a lot more common than people imagine.
I was born in France from an English father and an Austrian mother.
My older brother and sister have been brought up in english/german and later learned french.
My sister had no problem picking up french- but she is naturally incredibly talented with languages ( at age 16 she learned Italian in 2 weeks, which had my italian cousi... See more First of all, am very happy to have found this discussion. I think growing up in a trilingual family is a lot more common than people imagine.
I was born in France from an English father and an Austrian mother.
My older brother and sister have been brought up in english/german and later learned french.
My sister had no problem picking up french- but she is naturally incredibly talented with languages ( at age 16 she learned Italian in 2 weeks, which had my italian cousins spooked ). My older brother had more difficulties in picking up french. So it was decided that my younger brother and I would be taught in french only- my mother continued speaking german to me and my father, english.
Time went by and at age 13, my father discovered that we would not speak english to him (although we understood everything)- so he went on strike and did not answer our questions until we spoke only english to him. You can imagine the shock, as it took one year before we had a conversation again.
We settled for this- I speak english to my brothers/sister- german to my mother and english to my father.
Although english became my stronger language with time as I studied and started my professional life in the UK, I had serious problems getting an english intonation. My accent do not place me in the British Isle- which I have come to discover, is a problem only there.
Destiny somehow took me to Brazil, where I married a trilingual brazilian lady, who speaks fluent french and english. We fell in love in english and somehow moved to french.
Things are now getting more complicated: we have a daughter, who is 22 months old. I thought nothing of languages, and was pretty passive until our daughter started speaking only in portuguese, which was obvious you might say, but was nonetheless unsettling to me.
In the first year and a half, I had problems speaking in either french or english to my daughter- and when I was communicating to her, I wanted to sing lullabies in german. This is how I discovered that although I had been raised in french- my mother tongue was indeed german. However my german is too weak for me to use with little one. Very strange to discover this now, but somewhere I feel a bit uprooted, not being able to speak my "maternal" language to my daughter.
It turns out that my parents could not agree amongst each other which school to go to when I was 6 (german or english- due to historic rivalry) and then settled for french only.
You can imagine the discussion we have in my new household, as I come with an already considerable baggage to the table.
So we are settling for this formula: my wife speak portuguese to my daughter; in family, we speak french ( and I am being a real bore to my partner as I am always making sure that this rule is stuck to ). The TV/youtube/video experience is an english-only experience for our daughter, and I am starting to speak to her in english when we are together.*
In terms of schooling- we finally came to our senses and decided that initially it is better for the baby to be happy and make friends. We found a great morning school where she will play and learn in portuguese.
We are thinking of sending her later to the french school here.
The connection with english and german will be through nationality, holidays and family.
My initial conclusions: it is important that the father and the mother feel comfortable speaking in their language to their child. I would like to feel comfortable speaking to my child with the languages I usually speak in everyday situations. My daughters' mother tongue is portuguese, because her mother speaks portuguese to her. To know this makes everything more simple.
Languages carries a lot more than communication but also cultural paradigms, which is why I feel it is important not to lose what one inherited by accident of history. It is a challenge though...
*Note on the use of youtube: Youtube is a fantastic tool for trilingual families. There are some excellent kids show/songs on the net- and it is possible to create a great playlist with sing along songs, in various languages.
The added bonus of having the videos in english-only means that our lovely brazilian maid does not use the TV as an automatic replacement (TV here is by-and-large atrocious)
[Edited at 2010-06-25 22:12 GMT] ▲ Collapse
| | | | HughDESS
United Kingdom
Local time: 07:57
Member (2004)
Swedish to French
+ ...
| Babel babel babel | Jun 25, 2010 |
Good matin Britta,
Yo creo dass you should not vous préoccuper too much darüber. By the time votre enfant är mayor, es wird seulement one lengua i världen gesprochen, i.e. chineglish!
Bästa regards,
雨格
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smadkins
Local time: 08:57
French to English
I'm American and my wife Argentine and we live in France. My kids go to the regular French primary school. I try to Speak to them in English, my wife Spanish. Together my wife and I speak French. We switch from one to another at the dinner table, etc. Due to the fact that my wife is with them more and we have a lot of Spanish-speaking friends (as opposed to Anglophones) they speak Spanish very well. My son (7) is much weaker in English but understands and ucan make himself understood. My ... See more I'm American and my wife Argentine and we live in France. My kids go to the regular French primary school. I try to Speak to them in English, my wife Spanish. Together my wife and I speak French. We switch from one to another at the dinner table, etc. Due to the fact that my wife is with them more and we have a lot of Spanish-speaking friends (as opposed to Anglophones) they speak Spanish very well. My son (7) is much weaker in English but understands and ucan make himself understood. My daughter (5) a lot less so. I think this is because I paid a lot less attention to cultivating the English with her when she was young.
Briefly, I've observed that they never confuse the languages and could tell them apart from the get go. They also pick things up without having to make much effort. That said, reading to them, practicing words, saying the names of things you give them, movies in the native language and above all speaking to them consistently in the mother tongue are all very important to accelerate the process and develop their abilities. For both Spanish and English, they didn't start using it spontaneously until we travelled to visit family who don't speak French. This "need to speak" is the most dramatic trigger I've experienced. They both understood me but it wasn't until after a few weeks in the States that they spoke to me in English without prompting.
Anyway, good advice from the rest of the posters. Be natural. Don't force anything but do a little extra from time to time. When they get to English (or whatever third language) in school, they'll be fine.... ▲ Collapse
| | | | | Keep up with both of them! | Jul 11, 2010 |
mirkatz wrote:
My husband and I speak Russian and Hebrew, respectively, as our second languages. We're thinking of raising our kids with him speaking Russian to them and me speaking Hebrew to them, and us speaking English to each other. We'll have back-up support with native Russian and Hebrew-speaking grandparents.
One concern we have is that our accents and/or vocabulary are not as advanced as native speakers of Russian or Hebrew. Each of us can get by in our 2nd language, and certainly speak to children, but we'd like to give our children the best language skills possible. Any tips on whether it's worth raising them in our second languages?
Much appreciated!
Hi,
I was just searching through forums for bilingual parents/kids and found you post.
I though it could be helpful if I share with you my experience.
My native language is Russian, I am also fluent in Hebrew, English, some Spanish and Ukrainian. My husband is a Russian speaker, some Hebrew. We decided that I speak to our son in Hebrew and my husband in Russian. Between ourselves we speak mostly Russian. English naturally comes from the outdoor environment, as we live in US.
Our son is now almost 2.5 years old. I started speaking Hebrew to him from birth, then when he turned 1 I switched to Russian for over a year and we are back again with Hebrew for the last several months.
Our son understands me and other speaker of Hebrew over 90% of the time in Hebrew, he speaks in both Russian and Hebrew, although his vocabulary is way bigger in Russian. And he mixes them sometimes which is normal in his age..
I do have some Russian accent when speakng Hebrew, but I try to expose him to the native sound to compensate that. We use music and kids' programs, playdates, skype with friends/relatives in Israel, lots of books.
It takes an effort and time, but we am happy we are doing it. Sometimes I don't know the right word in Hebrew, I look it up later we learn it together..
I'd say, if you are fluent enough and willing to expand your vocabulary, look for resources, read books, meet other Hebrew/Russian speaking families - go for it! The accent will get better as your child will meet the native speakers. And a lot of positive reinforcement goes a long way!
| | | | | Pleasure to read this topic | Feb 22, 2011 |
Hi Everybody,
I was googling for information on trilingual families and was very happy to find this discussion.
We are Polish (mom) and Russian (dad) living in the US, with a Hindi day care lady. Both my husband and I have spoken to our son in our native languages from his birth and I have asked the day care lady to do the same. Our son is a year old now, I can tell that he responds to all of us appropriately, and he has started speaking. His first word was the Polish word for shoe ... See more Hi Everybody,
I was googling for information on trilingual families and was very happy to find this discussion.
We are Polish (mom) and Russian (dad) living in the US, with a Hindi day care lady. Both my husband and I have spoken to our son in our native languages from his birth and I have asked the day care lady to do the same. Our son is a year old now, I can tell that he responds to all of us appropriately, and he has started speaking. His first word was the Polish word for shoe (but, read boot) he also mimics the sounds we say. If we take him out for a walk and my husband describes the forest to him (we live in the mountains in a national forest) he will repeat the easier words like " las" (forest in both polish and russian) so I know that our approach has worked.
What I am somewhat unclear about is the language we speak as a family. My husband and I sometimes speak English, sometimes Russian (I learned Russian at University and became quite fluent when we got married), when my father is around we sometimes speak Polish, as my husband has an ear for languages and is picking it up very quickly. But the result is that we tend to speak about certain topics in different languages, and sometimes we mix words and grammar, so a sentence can consist of three languages, sort of like language soup. I try to insist on linguistic purity but life is a lot more fun when you fool around with what you can do with a language. I found that having a formal education in a language does not prepare you for home conversations, or discussing groceries, or speaking to your mother in law over the phone, I had to learn that "living" language from my husband, or end up substituting Polish or English words.
I sometimes worry that our kid will go to Poland or Russia and will start speaking our language soup and will be understood by none. Or will start doing "linguistic gymnastics" creating\deriving words from language roots which will not make sense to single language folks living in those countries (like extended family) we do that sort of thing all the time so I would expect that he picks it up but it may not be understood or appreciated unless his audience has a similar background. Polish/Russian families seem to be rare so that is not likely to happen.
Sincerely,
Kasia ▲ Collapse
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