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Rules of trying to raise a child trilingual
Thread poster: Britta Dennisen
Ilze Paegle-Mkrtchyan
Ilze Paegle-Mkrtchyan
Local time: 08:08
English to Latvian
+ ...
Don't worry, be happy! Feb 22, 2011

Hi, Kasia, hi, everybody! I am Latvian, my husband Armenian, we speak mainly English to each other and I use Russian to communicate with my in-laws. We have quite strict "language policy" in our family - we decided that right from the birth of our son Mummy would speak only Latvian to him, and Daddy - only Armenian. Now our son is 2 and already can make himself understood in both languages. Occasionally he would also repeat this or that word/phrase in English or Russian or add, say, Armenian end... See more
Hi, Kasia, hi, everybody! I am Latvian, my husband Armenian, we speak mainly English to each other and I use Russian to communicate with my in-laws. We have quite strict "language policy" in our family - we decided that right from the birth of our son Mummy would speak only Latvian to him, and Daddy - only Armenian. Now our son is 2 and already can make himself understood in both languages. Occasionally he would also repeat this or that word/phrase in English or Russian or add, say, Armenian endings to Latvian verbs and vice versa. Of course, I correct obvious mistakes and so does my husband but we are not particularly concerned. I think experiments with language(-s) at an early age are inevitable and perhaps even beneficial. Babies like playing with words, distorting words, even inventing new words (in our case "hosatsatsi" for herakhos, i. e. phone:)) and doing so they learn how language(-s) function. If our little ones get accustomed to playing with words in more than one language they will be only faster in grasping the idea that there ARE many different languages and, what is more, they can master them. I think the "language soup" will disappear sooner or later, and the kid will be able to switch from one language to another quite freely.Collapse


 
Trilingual kids: it's possible Mar 10, 2011

It is possible to raise trilingual children but you must expect that they will have a dominant language, usually the language of the country they live in and are exposed to the most (at school, etc). We live in Taiwan, so my children go to school here and so are perfectly fluent in Mandarin. At home, my husband (who is from Hong Kong and speaks 4 languages) speaks to them (and me) in English. They also get 8hours of weekly instruction at school in English, with American teachers. I speak to them... See more
It is possible to raise trilingual children but you must expect that they will have a dominant language, usually the language of the country they live in and are exposed to the most (at school, etc). We live in Taiwan, so my children go to school here and so are perfectly fluent in Mandarin. At home, my husband (who is from Hong Kong and speaks 4 languages) speaks to them (and me) in English. They also get 8hours of weekly instruction at school in English, with American teachers. I speak to them in French. So Chinese is their best language, followed by English, then French. Their French would be better if we went to France more often but plane tickets are not cheap so we go once every two years.
When they play, it's in Chinese, but usually, after 3 weeks in France, they speak to each other in French. So i know that by the time they are adults, they will be perfectly trilingual, able to speak, but also read and write in all 3 languages. Writing in the weakest language , French, might take a couple of years , or perhaps attending college in France, but they will make it. And it is worth it.
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Speak & read/write? May 16, 2011

Hi All,

Very interesting reading your experiences. I'm Dutch and moved to Australia when i was 21. My wife was born in Vietnam and moved to Australia when she was 9.

We have 2 daughters 4yr & 1.5yr old. I speak with Dutch with my children and my wife english/vietnamees. My wife understands quite a bit of Dutch as we've made many trips to Holland.
My eldest speaks Dutch with me and speaks nearly daily on Skype with my mum & grandmother which really helps her Dutc
... See more
Hi All,

Very interesting reading your experiences. I'm Dutch and moved to Australia when i was 21. My wife was born in Vietnam and moved to Australia when she was 9.

We have 2 daughters 4yr & 1.5yr old. I speak with Dutch with my children and my wife english/vietnamees. My wife understands quite a bit of Dutch as we've made many trips to Holland.
My eldest speaks Dutch with me and speaks nearly daily on Skype with my mum & grandmother which really helps her Dutch. She is fluent in Dutch & English and understands Vietnamees but doesn't speak it that much.

I wonder whether teaching my children to read/write in their other languages (Dutch & Vietnamees) is very important. And or whether teaching them to read/write will help develop their other languages further rather than be stuck at a certain level.

My daughter mixes Dutch & English when she speaks with her sister! It's quite cute.
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Trilingual child with monolingual mother? Sep 1, 2011

My situation is very similar to the Hungarian-Romanian lady's case above.

I am Hungarian, but spent several years in England and Latin-America, and besides my native Hungarian I speak fluent English and Spanish. I speak Spanish without foreign accent, my English is fluent but I have a noticeable foreign accent. My wife is Chilean, she speaks basically only Spanish and that is the language we communicate in. We live in Chile and have plans to stay.

Obviously, our child
... See more
My situation is very similar to the Hungarian-Romanian lady's case above.

I am Hungarian, but spent several years in England and Latin-America, and besides my native Hungarian I speak fluent English and Spanish. I speak Spanish without foreign accent, my English is fluent but I have a noticeable foreign accent. My wife is Chilean, she speaks basically only Spanish and that is the language we communicate in. We live in Chile and have plans to stay.

Obviously, our child's first and dominant language will be Spanish, but I also want him/her speak my native Hungarian and English the global lingua franca. I am trying to find a consistent way to teach him/her both languages, but not sure how to do that. Perhaps after a Hungarian week we can have an English week? Or speak Hungarian at home and English on the street? I really need some advice. Thanks a lot.



[Edited at 2011-09-01 21:36 GMT]

[Edited at 2011-09-01 21:37 GMT]
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Katalin Horváth McClure
Katalin Horváth McClure  Identity Verified
United States
Local time: 00:08
Member (2002)
English to Hungarian
+ ...
I suggest you stick with Hungarian Sep 3, 2011

I try to be short (as I have a bilingual child that needs to be put in bed soon).

I am assuming here that your wife does not speak Hungarian and not fluent in English either. (If she were, that could be a different situation.)

Studies and experiences show that the "OPOL" method (one parent - one language) works the best for children. If you had a third person in the family, such as a grandparent, nanny or somebody that is part of the child's everyday life, than you coul
... See more
I try to be short (as I have a bilingual child that needs to be put in bed soon).

I am assuming here that your wife does not speak Hungarian and not fluent in English either. (If she were, that could be a different situation.)

Studies and experiences show that the "OPOL" method (one parent - one language) works the best for children. If you had a third person in the family, such as a grandparent, nanny or somebody that is part of the child's everyday life, than you could introduce the 3rd language through that person. Or, if the language of the "outside world" (school, daycare) is a third language, that would work, too. But at home, if it is only the three of you, I think the best would be if your wife spoke Spanish and you spoke Hungarian to the child. Or, you could choose to speak in English, if it comes naturally to you - this is very important, as how you use the language influences your relationship with your child. If you chose English, you would need to forget about Hungarian. If you spoke once in this language, once in that, that would create confusion, and it is likely that the child would not learn any of those two languages well enough. I don't think language acquisition works well on a weekly switched schedule. When the baby learns speaking, it first learns that the sounds are made by a person, the words are related to what tat person is doing, and the pitch, rhythm etc. of speech is connected to a specific person. When the same person speaks in different languages, these characteristics change typically, hence the confusion.

Keep in mind that since you are the father, in the traditional setup of a family, you will spend significantly less time with your child, then your wife. The typical scenario is that the mother is at home with the baby, and talks to him/her in her native language. When the father comes home from work, they speak to each other in the common language, so there is very little time when the father is alone with the child and could fully expose the child to his language. There may be different family setups (mother works outside the home, father is staying home) when it is different, but typically this is what happens. If the father's language is different from the outside world's language, that makes it even more difficult. Since it is hard enough for the father to teach one language effectively, thinking about you splitting your time between two languages may not be a good idea after all.

If you want your child to speak English, and not satisfied with what he/she would learn in school as a second language, then plan on putting him/her into an English language daycare, nursery school and/or later on grade school, or move to an English speaking country. Or if these are not feasible options, and if you think English is more important, than Hungarian, and you are up to the task (I am repeating myself here, I know), drop the Hungarian and make English your parenting language. (Although, as you said you have a noticeable accent, which is a counterargument for doing this.)

I just suggested going with Hungarian because it is much harder to learn later on, should your child decide to do it. English is taught in school anyway. On the other hand, using Hungarian is limited... Does the child have Hungarian speaking grandparents, cousins, friends etc. that he could use the language with, even in the future? If yes, that is an argument for trying to teach him/her Hungarian.

Katalin

[Edited at 2011-09-03 03:09 GMT]
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Guido Lizzi
Guido Lizzi
Argentina
Local time: 01:08
English to Spanish
+ ...
Need advice, trilingual toddler Mar 8, 2012

My name's Guido, I'm from Argentina and live in China. My wife's Chinese. I speak Chinese as well, although she doesn't speak Spanish. We speak to each other both in Chinese and in English. We have two kids, and I speak only in Spanish to them.
Now, my 3 1/2 year old daughter does understand everything I speak to her (or at least most of it), but when her Spanish level is the lowest among the 3 languages we're teaching her.
She learned Chinese the fastest (we live in China), and Engl
... See more
My name's Guido, I'm from Argentina and live in China. My wife's Chinese. I speak Chinese as well, although she doesn't speak Spanish. We speak to each other both in Chinese and in English. We have two kids, and I speak only in Spanish to them.
Now, my 3 1/2 year old daughter does understand everything I speak to her (or at least most of it), but when her Spanish level is the lowest among the 3 languages we're teaching her.
She learned Chinese the fastest (we live in China), and English came right after it. She speaks both languages as native (no accent). But when it comes to Spanish, she finds it hard to speak to me sometimes.
I find like she's trying to make up the sentence in her mind, before speaking to me, although she speaks MUCH more fluently in the other 2 languages.
I'm assuming this is due to the language environment (she lives in China, and she has many English speaking friends here as well, while I'm about the only one speaking to her in Spanish).
So, I would love to get advices from you all, since it seems you've all had enough experience in this.
To those that went through similar situations, how did it turn out after the kids grew a bit older? Say 6 or 7 years old?
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Berni Armstrong
Berni Armstrong  Identity Verified
Spain
Local time: 06:08
Member
English
+ ...
Meet Spanish Kids! Mar 9, 2012

Don't worry too much, because if you are inputting they are processing.

My daughter used to reply to me in Catalan, but I doggedly kept speaking to her in English. Then when we went on Holiday to Britain she ran over to play with a lot of British children. I went over later and asked them: "What language was she speaking to you?"" They looked at me as if I were a maniac. "English! Of course!" - She had never seen th
... See more
Don't worry too much, because if you are inputting they are processing.

My daughter used to reply to me in Catalan, but I doggedly kept speaking to her in English. Then when we went on Holiday to Britain she ran over to play with a lot of British children. I went over later and asked them: "What language was she speaking to you?"" They looked at me as if I were a maniac. "English! Of course!" - She had never seen the need to speak to me in English (I speak fluent Catalan) - but she knew those kids spoke nothing but English. After that holiday, she switched to English with me and has spoken in that language ever since to me. She now speaks English like a native and reads English books appropraite for her age (13) - and some I'd say were definitely NOT appropriate

So, my advice is to get your kids to meet some Spanish monolingual kids and away you go!
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Hege Jakobsen Lepri
Hege Jakobsen Lepri  Identity Verified
Norway
Local time: 06:08
Member (2002)
English to Norwegian
+ ...
My experience with my own trilingual children Mar 9, 2012

My children grew up bilingually (Italian - Norwegian) until age 6 and 11 respectively, when we moved to Canada.
They then added the third language (that they had "studied" in Italian elementary school, without much luck). Now, 8 years later, they're functionally trilingual, though writing in Italian and Norwegian for the youngest is a challenge (she is also slightly dyslexic)- but she can make herself understood by texting in both languages with friends. Their strongest language is English
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My children grew up bilingually (Italian - Norwegian) until age 6 and 11 respectively, when we moved to Canada.
They then added the third language (that they had "studied" in Italian elementary school, without much luck). Now, 8 years later, they're functionally trilingual, though writing in Italian and Norwegian for the youngest is a challenge (she is also slightly dyslexic)- but she can make herself understood by texting in both languages with friends. Their strongest language is English, but they pass as "homegrown" in both Italy and Norway due to the lack of foregin accent (even if they sometimes use the wrong preposition).
My oldest is attending University in Oslo thus reaping the benefits of having grown up with three languages.

There have been several obstacles along the way, times when they didn't have enough vocabulary in the home languages to keep up with what they were learning in school. Then you need to have patience and time and teach them those words, and not get angry. If you instill a positive attitude to the language, it is so much easier to get through the mandatory "rebellion" in their early teens.
We've been pretty consistent with the OPOL-system, but without becoming blind to social conventions. there are times where the social stigma of a mother that only speaks to you in Norwegian, whoever is around, is heavier than the benefit of being 100% consistent. As they grow up, the only thing that will keep the interest in the language up, is having positive connotations to it.

We've found that as they grow older, it's become more and more important that they spend time in Italy and Norway with kids their own age, going to camps etc. As we get older, our spoken language is less and less in tune with how their peers speak, and it is necessary to bridge this gap. So from age 11 our girls have done horseback riding camps, Red cross courses, music camps etc. in their two "homelands" (probably not their definition). When that hasn't been possible, bringing friends or relatives the same age with us for a week to the beach, has also been a great help.
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RekaTunde
RekaTunde
Local time: 05:08
speech delay with trilingualism Apr 2, 2012

I am Hungarian and my husband is German - we live in the UK. We communicate in English at home and use the OPOL system with our 34 month old boy. I only speak Hungarian with our son and my husband German and between my husband and me English. My son also goes to nursery 2 full-days a week. We have lots of cartoons, books, audio books in Hungarian, fewer in German and visiting our families twice a year (for 10 days usually). We have some native speaker friends as well but see them monthly only.... See more
I am Hungarian and my husband is German - we live in the UK. We communicate in English at home and use the OPOL system with our 34 month old boy. I only speak Hungarian with our son and my husband German and between my husband and me English. My son also goes to nursery 2 full-days a week. We have lots of cartoons, books, audio books in Hungarian, fewer in German and visiting our families twice a year (for 10 days usually). We have some native speaker friends as well but see them monthly only.

I am getting a bit worried now as he only speaks Hungarian (pretty much with everybody) and even his Hungarian is not too clear. I think his speech is far behind for his age and not just because of the 3 languages. He is a smart boy and understands English and German too but sometimes I think he merges words together from the 3 languages. There are many words recognisable in Hungarian but apart from me (and my mother when she spends some time with him) it is very hard to understand what he wants to stay. Also the structure of his sentences is very mixed. Sometimes he uses the right German word with his father (not sentences). In the nursery a speech therapist was observing him and was concerned but when she found out he is learning 3 languages she said he is ok. I think speech therapists are in a infamiliar with trilingualism so I wouldn’t count much on this opinion.

There is not much literature available however I found a book from a Chinese author (How to raise kids with 3 languages). This book didn’t give much indication either as the kids were pretty much fluent on all 3 languages by the age of 2.


I really would like to know if any of you had similar experience. Reading your comments makes me feel your kids came out with full sentences and clear words. I know people with trilingual children and I know it can work fantastically but I feel more and more it is lots of pressure to introduce 3 languages simultaneously. I am even thinking to ask my husband to drop German and use only English for a while as our kid will learn German in School and he can practice it when we are on Holiday. Many of you may disagree but what if language skills are just like anything else: some people are talented in math not so much languages. Switching from German to English would be our last choice if his speech really doesn’t show any significant improvement by his 3rd Birthday

I am worried as I see how desperate he is to tell me things and he just can’t find the right words.

Please give me any advice you have I am desperate to hear similar stories with happy endings!!

Thank you for reading!

Reka
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Rules of trying to raise a child trilingual






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