English to Spanish Social Sciences Psychology marital and sexual therapy

Well-differentiated couples escape the seductive pull of the comfort cycle and periodically venture into the outer circle. For them, the comfort cycle plays an entirely different role: they re-enter the comfort cycle to digest and integrate the changes and gains of the growth cycle. The safe harbor of the comfort circle makes the growth cycle seem like a quest rather than survival training. The challenge of the growth cycle makes the comfort cycle seem like rest and relaxation rather than hiding out. Other-validation and other-soothing occur, but spouses are less dependent on it. A memorable night of profoundly intimate sex, lying quietly in bed with less anxiety and more connection than either partner had ever thought possible, is a powerful lesson in how the growth cycle fuels the comfort cycle rather than replaces it.
No couple can maintain a marriage solely in the growth cycle—those who try burn out quickly. True, highly differentiated people don’t see the outer circle as being frightening, as do emotionally fused couples, and they enter it more readily. But even they need time for reflection and grounding. Relationships that are constant adventures into the unknown or perpetually involved in conflict resolution don’t thrive or develop depth—nor do their participants. You can’t be “working on your relationship” every moment. There must also be positive interactions around familiar shared daily events and tasks of living, and catching up on the latest news in the world. The growth cycle produces positive shared experiences, the shared joy of resolving difficult issues, and the excitement of expanding intimacy and eroticism—but we also need the familiar and routine.