Il empruntera

13:56 Jan 16, 2011 

Many thanks for your invaluable input, it's been a great discussion. Sometimes it definitely helps to work in a team, as one can become blinded and very uncertain by reviewing the same passages over and over. Carol is right, literary translation especially can throw up so many difficulties and many potential translations, deciding is not easy! Thank you both!

13:44 Jan 16, 2011 

I like "unimagined" :)

13:21 Jan 16, 2011 

is infinitely better than "missions", and I'm not convinved that it loses much oomph! But I also wonder whether "sorties" doesn't convey the meaning just as accurately, but as you say, that depends on what they consist of. And I wonder whether "arduous/exhausting" wouldn't be an improvement on "gruelling"...

The problem with literary translation is that the tweaking can be endless, as, the closer you scrutinise the ST, the more you see that absolutely must be conveyed somehow or other to the TT!

Good luck with this!

13:07 Jan 16, 2011 

You are quite right, and I actually like your tentative version. Not sure about 'missions' though, as from the novel it seems it's not missions but operations, or something like that, as the unit is preparing to relocate to another base, presumably involving a lot of time and effort. But if I were to use operations, it would most definitely take te oomph out of it!

13:07 Jan 16, 2011 

I haven't the literary backgound of Carol, but what about a little assonance to add oomph - That night once more he was to draw on unimagined reserves for the exhausting work ahead - for example

12:29 Jan 16, 2011 

I think that's essential, no matter what - well almost!
In fact, your latest version, while sounding more punchy, strays further from the ST, notably with "despite fatigue, there are still draining chores waiting" - which I feel is an over-explication.

I'd try to find an alternative for "corvées", as neither duties nor chores really conveys the meaning here. I had thought of "missions", but think that also loses the emphasis, although it conveys the meaning better. Perhaps "arduous missions" or similar might do the trick? Ummm, not sure! But see gallagy's explanation for military duty/fatigue, which is the sense in this context.

And you're quite right about compensation in literary translation! There is of course "loss" in any translation, but we have to compensate in some other way to convey the feeling.

For what it's worth (and preparing myself to be shot down in flames!) I'd consider a tentative solution such as:
For that night's gruelling missions, he was to draw yet again on reserves that even he never knew he had.

This uses 2 optional illocutionary particles to add emphasis (yet, never) thereby somewhat sacrificing conciseness for added punch.

12:02 Jan 16, 2011 

By following the economical style too closely, I could not obtain the rythm of the ST, so from 16 Source words, i ended up with 21 words in the TT, but perhaps it's worth it. To quote Umberto Eco: 'It happens occasionally that, in order to avoid a possible loss, one says more than the original.'

11:52 Jan 16, 2011 

It seems to me that no matter how we translate this, the Ooomph will be taken out of it, becasue the ST has a musicality, a lyrical quality obtained with the lexical and phonetic play. In the TT it's difficult if not impossible to replicate this, partly because the English lang. doesn't work like that. Here's another attempt, perhaps making it less "woolly" :-) Curious what you guys think! -Tonight again, despite fatigue, there are still draining chores waiting; he will draw on reserves/strength he didn't even know he had. - it is important to translate the last part, as in a previous sentence it is described that the same man hasn't slept in 3 days, thus emphasizing his determination.

11:39 Jan 16, 2011 

I wonder if he didn't use "empruntera" simply to avoid a clumsy echo in "épuisante/puisera"

11:13 Jan 16, 2011 

@ MehdiCaps: sorry, I just realised (I think!) that you assumed I was commenting specifically on Gabrielle's tentative solution, whereas in fact it was a general reflection on how easy it would be to take the oomph out of the text.

Having said that, and with all due respect, I think that Gabrielle's tentative ending considerably loses the punchiness of the original, with the emphasis (in EN) now being transferred to the rather ineffectual (no offence meant, as I know this is only provisional!) "to carry out his exhausting duties" - it sort of "tails off"!

10:56 Jan 16, 2011 

yes, I was really referring to the interpretation of the rest of the sentence. I don't think you could do much better than "... draw on..." for the term in question.
For the rest of the sentence, it's amazing how simply adding one word here and there can make it sound comparatively "woolly"!

10:19 Jan 16, 2011 

I agree with Carol, but I think it is hard to make it more concise than it is.

Il empruntera pour d'épuisantes corvées, cette nuit encore, sur des réserves qu'il s'ignorait lui même.
Tonight again he will draw on reserves he didn't even know he had, to carry out his exhausting duties.

One cannot put again after draw, there, because it would insist on the (slight) contradiction that exists in the French text between "cette nuit encore" and "des réserves qu'il s'ignorait lui même". He should know that he has those reserves, if he draws on them every night.

10:01 Jan 16, 2011 

If this is a professional translation - as opposed to merely a request for an explanation - then don't forget that the TT also needs to replicate the very concise style of the ST. So try to avoid elaborations that will make the TT unnecessarily longer than it absolutely needs to be - even by a couple of words!

02:26 Jan 16, 2011 

Oops :-) I must be tired! Thanks for pointing it out.

02:23 Jan 16, 2011 

"Cette nuit encore" means "Tonight again".

02:19 Jan 16, 2011 

Well, I've come up with this, considering all your suggestions. It might change if I get inspired later :-): This same night he will draw on reserves he didn't even know he had, to carry out his exhausting duties.

01:25 Jan 16, 2011 

There are two literary phrases in this sentence:
1) Saint-Exupéry voluntarily avoids the more common "puiser dans ses réserves" and uses "emprunter" instead, to create a more poetical expression which is possibly unique to this book, but the meaning is of course the same;
2) "qu'il s'ignorait lui même" is also a special way to say "qu'il ignorait posséder".

So the sentence was well understood below (he will draw [...] on reserves he was unaware he had), and the only challenge is to find an elegant phrasing. I think you can also be creative, like the author was when he chose "emprunter" over "puiser".