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French to English translations [Non-PRO] Art/Literary - Poetry & Literature / scholarly article
French term or phrase:écrire à sa manière
The author is talking about the symbolic aspect of bars in a prison:
"Les barreaux strient le regard encore ému par les possibilités du grand jour. Leur rhythme vertical écrit à sa manière un immense pouvoir de négation."
I totally understand the meaning in context, but I'm having a hard time translating "écrit à sa manière" because it feels so idiomatic to me. Is this an idiomatic formula with a set translation in English, or should I just wing it?
I like it...although actually, the person who commissioned the translation wants me to change it back to "striate!" She cites prior English renditions of the word in a scholarly context (Deleuze and "striated space") as precedent.
I wonder whether something like "bars draw lines through (or even cross out) a way of seeing... would fit with the subsequent idea of powers of negation: the bars negate the subject of the emotive gaze. A belated remark, apologies.
I think "grand jour" always refers to daylight/daytime...ie "petit jour" is daybreak. "Ému," as the past participle of "émouvoir" can be any kind of strong emotion (excitement, sadness, etc.)...it more generally means "moved." I think it's synonymous with "touché." Thanks for the help...I like your repetition suggestion.
Hi Amelia - I have to admit, on first read it seemed a little heavy but the more I read it, the better it sounds!:-) I might be tempted to change 'bars striate' - shame bars has to be at the beginning. See what you mean about the gaze. I would probably go for something like: 'The bars striate your/one's stare/gaze, a gaze still excited by the possibilities of outside...' Haven't had time to check it but can't 'grand jour' mean 'the outside' or even 'the world outside'? And 'emu' excited? Sorry if you think its rubbish, I am in a hurry and have to go but hope this helps in some obscure way!"!
Thanks Helen! Indeed, I've carefully pondered the meaning of "striae" and how it differs from "stripes"; I'm inclined to think of striae as more regular and unyielding than stripes—stripes are for zebras, striae are for barcodes. That's just my personal semantic gloss though.
My biggest problem, actually, with the clause containing the "regard encore ému" is that it sounds funny, in English, to talk about a gaze without talking about the person whose gaze it is. We talk abut disembodied gazes in theory (the medical gaze, etc.) but in this sentence the gaze is "moved"...so now we're talking about emotional affect, which requires an agent. With that concern in mind, does this make any sense?
"Bars striate a gaze that is still moved by the possibilities of daylight."
or
"Bars striate a field of vision still touched by the possibilities of daylight."
I have to note that I can't reverse the order—parallel structure is involved, and the author has started previous sentences with the aspect of prison (walls, etc.) as the sentence head. So "bars" has to be the head. (You couldn't know that from the context I provided, though.)
Hi Amelia - Have to go but have been thinking about your problem. I would be tempted to reverse the order of the first sentence i.e. start with 'encore emu....' ...le regard est strie..' might sound more natural in English. Stria is defined by FOD as 'a thin line or band, especially one of several that are parallel...' - One option in Robert Collins is 'rip through'. Or of course, you could just stick with striate:-)
Helen: "Strier" IS tricky, and I eventually went with "striate," not out of laziness but simply because "stripe" doesn't feel like it gets across a clinical sense of regularity. I considered "bisect" as well but that's too far from the original.
Hi - I see this more as musical than writing imagery. The bars against the daylight like a keyboard and the vertical rhythm - I would probably a) make this one sentence, maybe with a semi-colon and b) probably use 'their vertical rhythm has its own way of marking...' Also strier needs some careful thought.
Thanks, Susan—that is both my general translation style, and my instinct in this particular case (given the context of scholarly writing, as you said). My only caveat to myself in this approach is to ditch faithfulness when it makes no sense in English.
For what it is worth, I would not opt for bar codes and vibes here, but stick with a fairly literal approach. Judging by the little I have read of the article, the bars "write" with repeated downward strokes (so the writing metaphor should be kept), their writing is powerful (embodies the power of the law), and what they write is negative (denial of the freedom perceived between the bars). In my fairly extensive experience of scholarly articles, academic choose their words carefully and it is often best to think through the reasons for their choice before opting for something else.
Does the phrase "à sa manière" refer to the previously unmentioned author's style of writing, e.g. "as he/she is wont", or does it refer to the "rhythme vertical" writing an extraordinary sense of denial "in its own way"?
The rhythm prevents a semiology from being founded on elements fixed once and for all in minimal units. It creates and undoes the units, ... inscribes time in space and space in time.
Barbara Wiebking Germany Local time: 16:38 Specializes in field Native speaker of: German
Grading comment
Thanks, that's what I went with!
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