17:48 Apr 16, 2008 |
English language (monolingual) [PRO] Tech/Engineering - Internet, e-Commerce / password reminder | |||||
---|---|---|---|---|---|
|
| ||||
| Selected response from: Mark Berelekhis United States Local time: 18:32 | ||||
Grading comment
|
SUMMARY OF ALL EXPLANATIONS PROVIDED | ||||
---|---|---|---|---|
4 +4 | strike it completely |
| ||
5 +1 | Here's the detailed subscription list you requested: |
| ||
4 | rewrite sentence |
|
Here's the detailed subscription list you requested: Explanation: As a consumer, I would prefer to receive that I suggested. Brief and to the point. -------------------------------------------------- Note added at 4 mins (2008-04-16 17:52:36 GMT) -------------------------------------------------- I meant to write "what I suggested". |
| |
Login to enter a peer comment (or grade) |
rewrite sentence Explanation: You have recently requested to be reminded of your subscription details. Please find these below: I know this is fairly different, but I think it works better. If you do decide to keep the original, please note that the 'brining' should be 'bringing'. |
| ||
Notes to answerer
| |||
Login to enter a peer comment (or grade) |
strike it completely Explanation: This particular sentence is redundant. Here's what I'd do: "You have recently requested an e-mail with your subscription details. They are as follows:" Nice and simple. No extra words or sentences. -------------------------------------------------- Note added at 12 mins (2008-04-16 18:00:19 GMT) -------------------------------------------------- Sure. Initially I didn't think the reminding part was important, but if it is -- that's fine as well. -------------------------------------------------- Note added at 13 mins (2008-04-16 18:02:04 GMT) -------------------------------------------------- You can also easily avoid the "to remind you" part if the e-mail subject is termed "reminder." |
| ||
Grading comment
| |||
Notes to answerer
| |||