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we are brining them to your notice

English translation: strike it completely

17:48 Apr 16, 2008
English language (monolingual) [PRO]
Tech/Engineering - Internet, e-Commerce / password reminder
English term or phrase: we are brining them to your notice
I would like to know if this phrase is 100 % ok in the context below, or maybe someone can suggest a better variant.

In general, it would be desirable to make the whole sentence where this phrase appears somewhat shorter or split it. Though it is not crucial. If it is ok as - let is be so.

===
Dear User,

You are currently subscribed to one or several mailing lists at the XXX site.

As you have recently requested for a reminder of you subscription details, ***we are brining them to your notice:***

Your subscription details are as follows:

Email:
Password :
Alexander Onishko
Selected answer:strike it completely
Explanation:
This particular sentence is redundant. Here's what I'd do:

"You have recently requested an e-mail with your subscription details. They are as follows:"

Nice and simple. No extra words or sentences.

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 12 mins (2008-04-16 18:00:19 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

Sure. Initially I didn't think the reminding part was important, but if it is -- that's fine as well.

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 13 mins (2008-04-16 18:02:04 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

You can also easily avoid the "to remind you" part if the e-mail subject is termed "reminder."
Selected response from:

Mark Berelekhis
United States
Local time: 18:32
Grading comment
Yes, Mark, the subject is "reminder". So I will go with your initial version. Thank you very much! You was most helpful as usual.

Also, many thanks to the other two answerers. Still, I will go with Mark's version as it seems most concise and to the point.
4 KudoZ points were awarded for this answer



SUMMARY OF ALL EXPLANATIONS PROVIDED
4 +4strike it completely
Mark Berelekhis
5 +1Here's the detailed subscription list you requested:
George Rabel
4rewrite sentence
Dennis Seine


  

Answers


3 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 5/5 peer agreement (net): +1
Here's the detailed subscription list you requested:


Explanation:
As a consumer, I would prefer to receive that I suggested. Brief and to the point.

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 4 mins (2008-04-16 17:52:36 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

I meant to write "what I suggested".

George Rabel
Local time: 18:32
Native speaker of: Spanish

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  Andreea Bostan
2 mins
  -> Thank you, Andreea
Login to enter a peer comment (or grade)

6 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5
rewrite sentence


Explanation:
You have recently requested to be reminded of your subscription details. Please find these below:

I know this is fairly different, but I think it works better. If you do decide to keep the original, please note that the 'brining' should be 'bringing'.

Dennis Seine
United States
Local time: 18:32
Works in field
Native speaker of: Native in DutchDutch
Notes to answerer
Asker: yes ... that was my fault - thank you for pointing out the "brining"

Login to enter a peer comment (or grade)

4 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5 peer agreement (net): +4
strike it completely


Explanation:
This particular sentence is redundant. Here's what I'd do:

"You have recently requested an e-mail with your subscription details. They are as follows:"

Nice and simple. No extra words or sentences.

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 12 mins (2008-04-16 18:00:19 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

Sure. Initially I didn't think the reminding part was important, but if it is -- that's fine as well.

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 13 mins (2008-04-16 18:02:04 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

You can also easily avoid the "to remind you" part if the e-mail subject is termed "reminder."

Mark Berelekhis
United States
Local time: 18:32
Works in field
Native speaker of: Native in RussianRussian, Native in EnglishEnglish
PRO pts in category: 16
Grading comment
Yes, Mark, the subject is "reminder". So I will go with your initial version. Thank you very much! You was most helpful as usual.

Also, many thanks to the other two answerers. Still, I will go with Mark's version as it seems most concise and to the point.
Notes to answerer
Asker: maybe this way - "You have recently requested TO REMIND YOU OF your subscription details. They are as follows:"


Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  Andreea Bostan
0 min
  -> Thank you, Andreea.
agree  cmwilliams (X): yes, definitely needs to be rewritten - and no need for 'requested to remind you of...'
6 mins
  -> Thank you, cm.
agree  BrettMN
1 hr
  -> Thank you, Brett.
agree  Gary D
3 hrs
  -> Thank you, Gary.
Login to enter a peer comment (or grade)



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