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English translation: Take it or leave it. / Like it or lump it.
16:47 Mar 2, 2016
English language (monolingual) [PRO] Idioms / Maxims / Sayings / expression often used with kids
English term or phrase:You get what you get and you don’t get upset
Hi, I was wondering whether the expression “You get what you get and you don’t get upset.”, as in the sentence below, might mean in a sense “if you settle for what you have, you’ll be happy” and "A contented mind is a perpetual feast"
*** Child whines because he doesn’t like what’s for dinner. Parent’s response is to shut down the child’s behaviour: “You get what you get and you don’t get upset.” ****
Explanation: There are two common expressions that more or less express the same idea as the posted extract (although the sentiment here seems to go a bit beyond this, in expecting the child to actually eat what he doesn't like, rather than giving him the option to refuse it).
First of all, I would like to thank all of you for your help, both with your answers and your contributions in the Discussion.
I actually didn’t know which answer to choose, because I think they complement one another. Certainly, as Gallagy says, the parent wants his kid to eat what he/she is given. I think, though, that the parent uses a somewhat “softer” and more “playful” expression to do that: he uses a common expression among kids, although in this case it is probably said in a slightly irritated tone. Basically, that’s why I chose Robert’s proposal: because it includes common expressions that may sound "softer" than a direct order.
Thanks again!
I agree with you: probably, the sentence - which seems to be quite common - has been formed in a way that it almost seems a Rhyme and that is probaby why children say that themselves...
In this particular case, though, the parent perhaps repeats this common phrase in a slightly irritated tone...
http://www.divinecaroline.com/life-etc/you-get-what-you-get-... “It’s not exactly the one I wanted,” she explained. “I wanted the one with Ariel on it.” But before I could speak, she boldly announced, “But my teacher says you ‘get what you get and you don’t get upset’ so it’s ok mom.”
The word "get" is used differently the third time it appears (as the phrasal verb "to get upset"). That could be seen as a bid to amuse the child while telling him to eat his dinner.
This, one of the first relevant hits I found, supports the "stop whining" reading:
"What is the origin of the parenting mantra "you get what you get and you don't get upset"? "I've no idea [of] the origin other than irritated, fed-up, impatient parents of insatiable children finally giving in to their own needs and telling the child, nicely, to suck it up- life's a bitch sometimes." https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-origin-of-the-parenting-ma...
On the other hand, people do seem to see it as quite a nice, gentle way of teaching a child to accept disappointment. The message is presumably "You can't always get what you want". The question is the tone, which is not necessarily snappy.
Triggered by whining, your response is to shut down the behavior: “You get what you get and you don’t get upset.”
***
this is the more empathic one:
Acknowledge child’s feelings, then negotiate: “You’re upset that we have chicken for dinner tonight, huh? I’m sorry. Can we put our heads together and make a plan for tomorrow that we can both be happy with?”
****
I was just wondering whether the "you get what you get..." may have been said with humour?
I originally interpreted it as a sort of imperative, as you suggested in your answers, but then I've found the references Phil has mentioned and I was not so sure... I also found a song with this expression https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7neX42Wfj5g
Actually, the sentence is classified as "Parent’s Action Enrages Downstairs Brain". The parent is triggered by the child's whining and to shut down this behaviour says that...but the author says this response isn't going to be effective, because it leads the child to be reactive, too..
Interesting that you found references to the posted phrase as a "gentle philosophical statement about life." Here, given that it is an example of what a parent does to "shut down the child's behavior," it is seems to be presented as an inappropriate parental response.
My first assumption, like Robert and Gallagy, was "stop whining". But then I Googled it, and it gets lots of hits as a gentle philosophical statement about life. Do you have any more context? Is this something you're translating? Is the parent annoyed?
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Answers
3 mins confidence: peer agreement (net): +6
you get what you get and you don’t get upset
Take it or leave it. / Like it or lump it.
Explanation: There are two common expressions that more or less express the same idea as the posted extract (although the sentiment here seems to go a bit beyond this, in expecting the child to actually eat what he doesn't like, rather than giving him the option to refuse it).
Robert Forstag United States Local time: 01:58 Native speaker of: English PRO pts in category: 8
Grading comment
First of all, I would like to thank all of you for your help, both with your answers and your contributions in the Discussion.
I actually didn’t know which answer to choose, because I think they complement one another. Certainly, as Gallagy says, the parent wants his kid to eat what he/she is given. I think, though, that the parent uses a somewhat “softer” and more “playful” expression to do that: he uses a common expression among kids, although in this case it is probably said in a slightly irritated tone. Basically, that’s why I chose Robert’s proposal: because it includes common expressions that may sound "softer" than a direct order.
Thanks again!
peer agreement (net): +6