This site uses cookies.
Some of these cookies are essential to the operation of the site,
while others help to improve your experience by providing insights into how the site is being used.
For more information, please see the ProZ.com privacy policy.
English language (monolingual) [PRO] General / Conversation / Greetings / Letters / people with avoidant attachment
English term or phrase:to be in relationship with
Dear colleagues, I was wondering about the meaning of "to be in relationship with” in the context below, taken from a parenting book. This expression seems to be used also to refer specifically to romantic relationships, but I’m not completely sure whether it refers instead to relationships in general… Thank you very much in advance for your help!
**************** The children with the first type of insecure attachment, avoidant attachment, tend to grow up to be adults who have difficulty connecting not only with others, but also with their internal landscape. They are often unaware of or unwilling to deal with emotions, and they have difficulty connecting with the minds and emotions of others ** they are in relationship with **. They rigidly avoid dealing with the past, their emotions, and relational closeness.
I can see what you mean and for many people with this pattern of attachment is certainly true, but in a subsequent part of the text, the author says: ""They might become immensely successful in certain areas of their lives—possibly even developing excellent social skills in a public setting—but because of their discomfort with intimacy, they essentially dismiss the importance of close relationships and thus live without that deeper connection personally" So maybe, these people may cope in "superficial" relationships, but they would probably have more problems in intimate relationships...
Take the context of work, for example: we are talking about interpersonal relationships here. Someone with the aforementioned background is likely to have a hard time "connecting with the minds and emotions" of other members of his team, thus increasing the chances that he might not be a good "click" with the rest of the staff, especially if he has problems to connect and be empathetic. So, these children "tend to grow up to be adults who have difficulty connecting not only with others, but also with their internal landscape", meaning they are likely to have problems with relationships of any order. The text is involving social, romantic and whatever else kind of relationship. Think of someone who has been insecure during their whole childhood, are they going to be masters of romantic relationships but not so good at social skills? I do not think so. The text implies that this same person is likely to have a hard time connecting with people in general (coworkers, friends, a stranger needing some degree of empathy in the street, lovers, parents, just anyone). When you meet anyone and communicate, that is again one more relationship (social), one more example of human interaction.
Just curious, but did the original text contain an "s" ("they are in relationships with"), or have you written it exactly as it appears in the text (with no "s")? For me personally, being IN a relationship (or IN relationships) means romantic relationships...different than people you "have" relationships with (like social relationships with family members, etc.). But the lack of the "s" is a little puzzling. Alternatively, if this had said "in a relationship with," that would also imply romantic relationships. But there is also no "a" here, and "they are in relationship with" just sounds a little odd to me.
well, that clinches it as far as I'm concerned. See here as well: https://static1.squarespace.com/static/56c0eeaa7c65e465b5050... Relationship scientists investigate many types of relationships, but the primary emphasis is on close relationships—those characterized by “strong, frequent, and diverse interdependence that lasts over a considerable period of time” (Kelley ...)... Attachment theory , which initially focused on infant–caregiver relationships, traces its roots to Bowlby’s (...) trilogy on attachment, separation, and loss. The theory was adapted to explain the nature of close relationships between adults in the 1980s (...), and it joined interdependence theory as a dominant model of adult relationships in the 1990s (... 1994). .According to attachment theory, people develop emotional bonds with significant others (usually romantic partners in adulthood) and are motivated to maintain these bonds over time (...). People seek proximity to their primary attachment figure, especially when they are stressed, ill, or afraid..."
Actually, I tend to think it is more in the sense of "romantic or close" relationships, because at first the text says "difficulty connecting with others" in general and then "with the minds and emotions" even with their partners...
In another section, the text reads:
"They might become immensely successful in certain areas of their lives—possibly even developing excellent social skills in a public setting—but because of their discomfort with intimacy, they essentially dismiss the importance of close relationships and thus live without that deeper connection personally" (...) As a result, their partners may often experience loneliness and emotional distance, and their own children are primed to develop the exact same way of relating with the world.
actually this refers to adults, "children who tend to become adults who have difficulty connection with others": having had avoidant attachment in childhood, they develop what is called "dismissing attachment" pattern in adulthood.
Several possibilities depending on age of child. Is their age indicated in the book?
Automatic update in 00:
Answers
5 mins confidence: peer agreement (net): +2
To be connected with someone else
Explanation: It encompasses relationships in general. Any level of relationship in a social basis. The word "relationship" there is not concerned with romance nor love (like having a partner), rather it refers to any kind of connection with someone else. "Relationship" by itself is not restricted to "love" as in a romance; that is, it can be used in different contexts to mean different degrees of connection with people.
Bruno Santos Brazil Local time: 22:56 Specializes in field Native speaker of: Portuguese
peer agreement (net): +2