18 mins confidence:  peer agreement (net): -1 a few problems
Explanation:
I would rewrite the entire thing this way:
4.1.8 The system will provide tools for business analysis in addition to access to the data repository and to the base of meta data of infrastructure objects. This will satisfy experts who require access to analytical information and data. (fig. 5).
--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 38 mins (2008-09-20 23:00:38 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------
Well, then, why, if the tools of business analytics are not part of the system, does the original sentence clearly state that they are?
"4.1.8 The system shall provide the tools of business analytics..."
So, the entire document has a few problems...
Example sentence(s): | James Girard
Germany
Local time: 04:42
Specializes in field
Native speaker of: English
|
| |
| | Login to enter a peer comment (or grade) |
32 mins confidence:  How about ...
Explanation:
"Lacking knowledge of the subject, from a purely language point of view, I read it this way, especially considering that the business analytics tools are not part of the system.
"To satisfy the needs of analytical information experts, the system shall provide business analytics tools that give [allow, permit, enable] access to the data repository and to the meta data base of infrastructure objects."
I'm with Ken Cox: " .... it is ambiguous: is the system supposed to enable the b.a. tools to access something or supply the b.a tools that have access to th..."
I think they are not providing the b.a. tools with access to something, but rather, the tools permit access to something.
--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 40 mins (2008-09-20 23:02:57 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------
Maybe it should be "meta database"...
| Suzan Hamer
Netherlands
Local time: 04:42
Native speaker of: English
|
| |
| | Login to enter a peer comment (or grade) |
9 mins confidence: eliminate most of them!
Explanation:
The best option here, IMHO, is to eliminate the majority of the prepositions and putting it all in plain English:
4.1.8 To satisfy the needs of analytical information experts, the system shall provide access to the data repository and the base of meta data of infrastructure objects, from the business analytics tools (fig. 5).
--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 27 mins (2008-09-20 22:49:45 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------
In other words, the 'system' makes its internal data resources available to the external analysis system used by the analysis experts.
--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 53 mins (2008-09-20 23:15:45 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------
For James: The text does not 'clearly state' that the system provides the tools for analysis'. It states (not very clearly...) that it provides the tools with data - i.e. it delivers data to the (external) tools.
--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 3 hrs (2008-09-21 01:48:51 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------
For the benefit of Gary:
What must the system do? - Satisfy the requirements of the analysis experts.
How must it do that? - By allowing them access to system databases.
'What', in system specifications, has priority over 'how'.
| | |
58 mins confidence: peer agreement (net): -1 See if this is what you require.. database..
Explanation:
4.1.8 The system shall provide the tools of business analytics, enabling access to the data repository and to the meta database of infrastructure objects, thus satisfying the needs of experts in the analytical information (fig. 5).
--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 1 hr (2008-09-20 23:23:19 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------
or ...The system shall provide the business analytics tools, which...
--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 1 hr (2008-09-20 23:24:44 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------
or ...The system shall provide the business analytics tools that, enable
--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 1 hr (2008-09-20 23:40:38 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------
Alexander.. Take "the" out of here also....thus satisfying the needs of experts in analytical information
--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 1 hr (2008-09-20 23:42:30 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------
This should be correct>>>
4.1.8 The system shall provide the business analytics tools that enable access to the data repository and to the meta database of infrastructure objects, thus satisfying the needs of experts in analytical information (fig. 5).
--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 4 hrs (2008-09-21 02:25:38 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------
These are Mediamatrix's comments, Maybe Mediamatrix needs to get a life as you are way out of line with your comments....
Alexander just wants to have the correct text, not your negative and confusing comments which do nothing to enhance English or indeed answer the question. We, the answerers, are offering alternatives to HELP Alexander, You Mediamatrix, are just throwing daggers.
As for "Tools" Tools are no longer equipment, Tools are used to describe a way, a solution, a system, a device, an apparatus, or a means to do or perform a task. A tool can even be a piece of paper, an energy field or a microvolt even Advertisements are called Selling tools. So your comments to James are incorrect.
Read your own comments and I suggest you re-evaluate your input to this Question.
mediamatrix: That is not what the source text means. Apart from anything else, Alexander tells us the analysis tools are NOT part of the system.//Pse see note under my answer.
mediamatrix: The original text is not ambiguous if .... And the 2nd phrase of your version says the system 'does' provide these tools ... // Pse see note to James under my answer.
mediamatrix: It may be 'correct', but it's not good English.
mediamatrix: If A's previous Qs are relevant I'm sure he'll draw our attention to them. Meanwhile, the source text in this Q is intelligible, albeit obtuse, and is most certainly not ambiguous to the point of permitting gross mis-interpretation.
mediamatrix: 11:05pm Sep 20, 2008: If nothing else, Alexander, you've provided a good example of how to confuse people with the excess use of prepositions!
mediamatrix: 11:08pm Sep 20, 2008: @ Egil: The rules say the 10-word limit may be exceeded if breaking the sentence into small parts makes it impossible to answer the question. I believe that is the case here, since changing/eliminating one preposition implies rewriting the whole sentence.
--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 4 hrs (2008-09-21 02:28:40 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------
I forgot this one...Answerer reply: As we say in the trade: that is rubbish!
The whole point is that the system must deliver data for
use by the analysis experts = satisfy their requirements! Tools are ... mere tools.
--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 4 hrs (2008-09-21 02:30:10 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------
the last one was in my email box...from mediamatrix..
--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 5 hrs (2008-09-21 04:16:19 GMT) Post-grading
--------------------------------------------------
Thanks Alexandra, I would just change this from... "can access to the data repository
To ... "can access the data repository" The rest is completely understandable.
You do a good job and I think your customers will be pleased with your efforts in seeking the right solutions in translations.
| Gary D
Local time: 12:42
Native speaker of:  English
PRO pts in category: 8
|
| | Grading comment Thank you, Gary! My final rewrite is as follows:
===
The system shall ensure that tools of business analytics can access to the data repository and to the base of meta data of infrastructure objects, thus satisfying the needs of experts in analytical information (see fig. 5). |
|
| | Login to enter a peer comment (or grade) |
Login or register (free and only takes a few minutes) to participate in this question.
You will also have access to many other tools and opportunities designed for those who have language-related jobs
(or are passionate about them). Participation is free and the site has a strict confidentiality policy.
KudoZ™ translation help
The KudoZ network provides a framework for translators and others to assist each other with translations or explanations of terms and short phrases.
See also: Search millions of term translations
You can request verification for native languages by completing a simple application that takes only a couple of minutes.
Review native language verification applications submitted by your peers. Reviewing applications can be fun and only takes a few minutes.
View applications
|
|
