Off topic: Creative use of English language Thread poster: Heinrich Pesch
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Heinrich Pesch 
Finland
Local time: 05:21
Member (2003)
Finnish to German
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| Jack Doughty
United Kingdom
Local time: 03:21
Russian to English
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In memoriam | Collection from BBC Monitoring | Nov 3, 2010 |
Yes, I had seen most of them before, but as you say, they are still funny.
Here is a collection I made during the time I worked for the BBC Monitoring Service.
LATEST THING IN LETTER BOMBS:
4-50 1050 Washington: American Physicists’ Society says nuclear arms can destroy world and should not be used in letters sent to world leaders (no comment)
ANOTHER BLACK DAY AT THE SOCK EXCHANGE
ü ü ü 0930 Alarm... See more Yes, I had seen most of them before, but as you say, they are still funny.
Here is a collection I made during the time I worked for the BBC Monitoring Service.
LATEST THING IN LETTER BOMBS:
4-50 1050 Washington: American Physicists’ Society says nuclear arms can destroy world and should not be used in letters sent to world leaders (no comment)
ANOTHER BLACK DAY AT THE SOCK EXCHANGE
ü ü ü 0930 Alarm Clock
ü ü ü 1000 I Serve the Soviet Onion (yum yum!)
ü ü ü 1100 Music
(text) Our special correspondent Petr Pelekhov reports from Baykonur cosmodrome:
The cosmonauts Leonid Kizim and Vladimir Solovyev, who recently completed a 125-day space flight, are with growing confidence regaining earthly form.
The British Premier Margaret Thatcher has refused in her letter to the Soviet leadership the plan of the USSR for the entire eradication of the USSR till 2000, our permanent correspondent in London reports. . .
Ustinov today received head of chief of staff of Vietnamese army.
1. (slug rpt) Brezhnev and Danish Queen exchanged.
President Kenneth Kaunda today proclaimed the demolition of the Zambian Parliament.
11. (slug) The bowels of Krasnoyarsk Kray produce 2,000,000 cu.m. of natural gas a day.
Special purpose units of the Kyrgyz Interior Ministry are protecting the vicinity of the government building in Bishkek, carrying rubber buttons.
(British TU delegation in N. Vietnam)
For her part, Mrs. Joan Maynard, member of the delegation, expressed the British women’s sympathy with and support for the Vietnamese people and pledged to contribute her vest with the British women and labouring people to render more effective support to the Vietnamese people’s resistance. (VNA, September 1970)
All middle schools. . . must give students thorough instruction in driving vehicles and tractors as quickly as possible . . . (Pyongyang home service)
Comrades having a keen sense of smell immediately realised that the emergence of this tendency of extravagant eating and drinking marked a new trend in class struggle and that it was consequently necessary to heighten one’s vigilance.
This gust of evil wind was fanned up by the class enemies.
The British aircraft-carrier Illustrious has flown off for the Falklands.
23. A Danish plane crashed in Hangover.
MOST JAPANESE COMPANIES RUTHLESSLY LAY OUT WORKERS AND EMPLOYEES WHEN THEY TURN FIFTY.
Kirilenko: My family is a tremendous pillar of support for me . . . I have a very stable and reliable rear. I am extremely grateful to my wife for this. And I love her very much.
RANGOON DEC 4 CETEKA – A DELICACY BEING SERVED IN THE BURMESE TOWN OF MOULMEIN IS WHIPPED CREAM MADE FROM TOILET PAPER.
THIS NOVELTY HAS CAUSED TOILET PAPER TO DISAPPEAR SUDDENLY FROM THE MARKET, TO BE OBTAINABLE ONLY ON THE BLACK MARKET AT FOUR TIMES THE NORMAL PRICE. WHEN THE CAUSE OF THIS WAS SOUGHT, IT WAS FOUND THAT THE OWNERS OF STREET TEA ROOMS ARE MIXING TOILET PAPER WITH MILK TO OBTAIN A SUBSTANCE THAT LOOKS LIKE WHIPPED CREAM EVEN THOUGH IT IS SOMEWHAT TASTELESS.
Lee Kuan Yew’s hopes on the Chinese New Year In his message to the nation on the Chinese New Year, reported by Singapore Radio on 28th January, the Prime Minister, Lee Kuan Yew, pointed out that only 26,000 Chinese babies had been born in the year that was ending, the Year of the Tiger. He expressed the hope “that we can do better in this Year of the Rabbit”.
. . . “We are happy to see that in recent years, the academic atmosphere has become thicker than at any time in the past, and the thinking of the academic circles has been unprecedentedly active.” (‘Red Flag’, Peking, 1 Oct 86)
ALL NEWSPAPERS ACROSS THE COUNTRY REPORTED DAILY ON THE CONDITION OF THE PRIME MINISTER FOLLOWING A SURGICAL OPERATION. QUOTING THE SURGEONS IN CHARGE, THE JOURNALS SAID THE CHANCES OF HIS SURVIVAL DEPENDED ON HOW SOON HE WOULD BE ABLE TO EMIT GAS FROM HIS INTESTINES.
TEXT MOMBASA, AUG 30: ONE OF THE HIGHLIGHTS OF YESTERDAY’S EVENTS AT THE ON-GOING MOMBASA SHOW WAS A UNIQUE POLO MATCH BETWEEN TWO LAMU TEAMS WHICH PLAYED ON DONKEYS. THE FAMOUS LAMU DONKEYS SENT SHOW GOERS REELING WITH LAUGHTER AS THEY DISPLAYED THEIR SPORTS SKILLS.
THE DONKEY, WHICH HAS THE REPUTATION OF BEING A STUBBORN CREATURE, LIVED UP TO ITS REPUTATION TO THE AMUSEMENT OF THE PACKED ARENA BY PERSISTENTLY THROWING OFF ITS RIDER OR REFUSING TO MOVE, AT TIMES EVEN GOING IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION.
THE MOST INTERESTING THING, HOWEVER, LAY IN THE GOAL AREA, WHERE THE FEROCIOUS LOOKING CAMELS KEPT GUARD. THE TALL AND UNWIELDY CREATURES, DESPITE THEIR SIZE, MANAGED TO LIVE UP TO THE EXPECTATIONS OF GOALKEEPER.
MAURITANIANS EXPRESS SYMPATHY FOR USSR
(Комментарии, как говорят, излишни!)
10. The Algerian Press Agency APS announced on Thursday that a daft treaty will embody the union of Algeria and Libya.
JAKARTA, OCT 23 (ANTARA).- INDONESIA WILL HAVE AN INDIGO PROCESSING FACTORY IN EMBARAVA, CENTRAL JAVA, TO SUPPLY BATIK PRODUCERS WITH DYING STAFF.
16. LUXEMBOURG, AGERPRES. 30/11/1978 1909
PROGRAMME
A PROGRAMME OF COOPERATION IN EDUCATION, SCIENCE AND CULTURE WAS SIGNED IN LUXEMBOURG BETWEEN THE GOVERNMENT OF THE SOCIALIST REPUBLIC OF ROMANIA AND THE GOVERNMENT OF THE GRAND DUCKY OF LUXEMBOURG.
The comrades, showing profound proletarian feeling for one another, hit the nail on the head, touched one another where it hurt, and in this way helped one another in fierce ideological struggle. (Chinghai provincial service in Chinese)
| 126 | 1802 | HARARE: RSA metal workers on strike against racism
and better wages.
THE VICE-MINISTER IN CHARGE OF FOREIGN TRADE AND CO-CHAIRMAN OF THE ALGERO-SWEDEN JOINT COMMISSION ALSO AUDIENCED JEAN CHRISTOPHE OBERG, SWEDEN’S AMBASSADOR TO ALGERIA.
THE TWO SIDES EXAMINED ECONOMIC LIES BETWEEN THE TWO COUNTRIES.
Iranian competition winners to be sent to the fronts The northern Iranian regional radio in Sari reported on 30th January that the local revolutionary guards had organized a literary competition to celebrate the anniversary of the revolution (11th February): the first 200 winners would be sent to the war fronts, the second 200 would go on a pilgrimage to Mashhad, and the third 100 would receive a small library.
(Single Excerpt) (Passage omitted on replying to various letters) Brother Akbar A., a 16-year-old from Urmiyeh: your wish is against nature and contrary to the Holy Islamic Sharia. Try to avoid non-constructive contacts by busying yourself with religious activities, and thus make your thoughts creative and cleansed. (Passage omitted).
SHEVARDNADZE’S TALK WITH CAMEL
‘People on the Bog’. (Duration 30 minutes)
3. SUPPORT FOR AGRICULTURE IN KWANGTUNG ((SUMMARY)) REVOLUTIONARY COMMITTEES AT ALL LEVELS IN HUACHOU COUNTY HAVE GRASPED TIGHTLY THE COLLECTION OF BARNYARD MANURE Canton, 24.2.71 ▲ Collapse
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