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Thread poster: clearwater

clearwater
China
Local time: 04:52
English to Chinese
TOPIC STARTER
不尽如人意 Sep 1, 2011

谢谢夏兄!
第一个版本感觉不够简洁,反而更显冗长,毕竟翻译的是书面语,有点偏向口语化的嫌疑:)
至于第二个版本,还是没有摆脱我原来那个句子的问题:感觉句子很长(多个括号,起不到让句子简练的作用)。


 

James_xia  Identity Verified
China
Member
English to Chinese
+ ...
回头问问zhoudan Sep 1, 2011

呵~ 回头可请zhoudan等帮忙断一下再看看吧~

 

ysun  Identity Verified
United States
Local time: 15:52
English to Chinese
+ ...
也许可分为两句 Sep 1, 2011

“对我们来说,解决办法就是与 DeviceAnywhere 公司建立合作关系。该公司是远程移动质量保证服务提供商,位于加利福尼亚州圣马特奥市。”

因未见原文,所以改得不一定合适。

“达成合作关系”听起来有点别扭。通常人们说“达成协议”、“达成一致意见”,但不大说“达成关系”。


 

clearwater
China
Local time: 04:52
English to Chinese
TOPIC STARTER
并不别扭 Sep 1, 2011

ysun wrote:

“对我们来说,解决办法就是与 DeviceAnywhere 公司建立合作关系。该公司是远程移动质量保证服务提供商,位于加利福尼亚州圣马特奥市。”

因未见原文,所以改得不一定合适。

“达成合作关系”听起来有点别扭。通常人们说“达成协议”、“达成一致意见”,但不大说“达成关系”。


在网上搜索一下,“达成合作关系”的用法比比皆是。
http://www.google.com.hk/search?q="达成合作关系"&hl=zh-CN&newwindow=1&safe=strict
我倒不是说,网上有的一定是对的,但总不能无视那么多的用法(当然也不排除以讹传讹的情况)。


 

clearwater
China
Local time: 04:52
English to Chinese
TOPIC STARTER
谢谢! Sep 1, 2011

ysun wrote:

“对我们来说,解决办法就是与 DeviceAnywhere 公司建立合作关系。该公司是远程移动质量保证服务提供商,位于加利福尼亚州圣马特奥市。”


这也许是最好的办法了。因原文是完整的长句,所以翻译时思维也经常囿于此:译成完整的长句。
分开来的好处是,读起来不容易上气不接下气。缺点是,感觉多多少少前后衔接有些松弛。


 

wherestip  Identity Verified
United States
Local time: 15:52
Chinese to English
+ ...
标点符号 Sep 1, 2011

Yueyin 建议的断句方法非常好。到底是功底深。

我也同意他对 “达成” 一词用法上的意见。 My guess is "达成关系" may have spawned from the English usage of "formed a relationship". Yet I wouldn't consider it to be good Chinese usage, even if it has been popularized and widely accepted over time.

I agree with the importance of the proper use of punctuation marks in Chinese composition. The lack thereof indeed could render some texts
... See more
Yueyin 建议的断句方法非常好。到底是功底深。

我也同意他对 “达成” 一词用法上的意见。 My guess is "达成关系" may have spawned from the English usage of "formed a relationship". Yet I wouldn't consider it to be good Chinese usage, even if it has been popularized and widely accepted over time.

I agree with the importance of the proper use of punctuation marks in Chinese composition. The lack thereof indeed could render some texts unreadable. Actually, there have been posts in this forum that I've skipped over in the past just for that reason. But I also agree with clearwater that some people go overboard, unnecessarily adding commas where there shouldn't be any, interrupting the natural flow of a sentence.
Collapse


 

ysun  Identity Verified
United States
Local time: 15:52
English to Chinese
+ ...
过奖 Sep 1, 2011

Steve,

过奖了。不过我觉得,在将很长的英文复合句译成中文时,如果不多用几个句点,就真的是“滥用逗点”,而且不易将原文的层次和意思表达清楚。

至于“达成合作关系”,其实我在出上一帖之前,就已经用 Google 搜索过。结果发现,尽管有许多人使用“达成合作关系”,但无论是在中国大陆、香港还是台湾,使用“建立合作关系”的例子仍然远超过“达成合作关系”。

也许,我们离开中国的时间太长,已经赶不上文字演变的潮流。这大概也可以算是一种代沟。


[Edited at 2011-09-01 17:19 GMT]


 
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