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I've started to collect labels, packaging, instructions and so forth, which have been translated (often from an unknown source language) into English. Believe it or not, these are actual, real so-called "translations."
I have made no typographical, punctuation or spelling mistakes . . . any such "errors" actually appear in the original translated text.
(If you don't see the humor/mistakes, you really should contact me when you need something written in English or translated from Dutch to English.)
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Label on a new pair of shoes:
"Step by Step with XXX Your Comfort is guaranteed. We use leathers duly manufactured with linings very soft soles in PU, TR and Latex. Together with this for we guarantee all your comfort our shoes are made in the most comfortable existent constructions as macassins, stroble and manual sewed."
When I told a friend in Israel that the word "stroble" particularly troubles me, she asked: "Aren't those the furry boots you wear with your streimel?"
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Packaging for bed sheet:
"This way your King sheet stays most beautyful.
•First use, wash your sheetset the first times seperate.
•Do not wash fabric into heavy loaded tomb, at most 40ºC.
•Check your buyings always carefully before washing or using.
•Bedtextile of which packing is broken, cannot be returned from a hygenic point of view."
Tomb? TOMB??
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Packaging for an item labeled "Bath Towel," which is not a towel at all, but a long strip of some scratchy synthetic woven (not knitted) fiber (similar to that sometimes used to wash dishes), with a handle at each end ostensibly to enable user to wash back (which you know only from the photo).
"Daily Life Thing
Bath Towel
BEST
Introduction
The bathing products of our factory have massage effects on human body no toxicant, no harm, They are popular with custmers from all over the world for many years
Using ________ bathing products you will be light everyday."
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Cooking Instructions
We advise you to use for 1000g of flour 4 litres of water and 2 spoons of cooking salt. Add salt and in order to avoid the formation of cloths pour when water is still. Lukewarm so that a strong impact with boiling water is avoided. Take care to pour it slowly and mix. Advised cooking time 30/40 minutes. When cooking is finished empty the polenta on a wooden board.
Our high quality products are selected and packed hygienically in full automatic machines."
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"Oude koeien uit de sloot halen"
One of my favorite Dutch expressions.
"Oude (or 'ouwe') koeien uit de sloot halen" (literally, "Pull old cows out of the ditch"): bring up an old story or argument that is best forgotten (usually due to difference of opinion); dig up old matters that have long been in the past (usually to prove a point, but often irrelevant to the matter), drag something up again, open up old wounds, bring up painful memories." [Listen to it, and other Dutch idioms, here]
The photo above was from a local newspaper maybe 10 years ago. Apparently rescuing cows from ditches is still news in the Netherlands.
How many men does it take to get a cow out of a ditch? See here
[Translation: SCHIEDAM - A cow fell into the water on the Abtsmolenpad this afternoon. The fire brigade was called in to get the animal back on dry land.
It was a big job for the fire brigade, but they succeeded. Because of the soft ground, the cow sank further and further into the ditch, and also became more and more exhausted.
At one point, additional manpower was requested on site. At that moment, the farmer arrived with a tractor and with the help of that vehicle the job was finally completed (after more than an hour), and the cow could go back into the pasture. Dozens of people along the bank of the ditch watched the operation.]
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VARIOUS ARTICLES RELATED TO DUTCH, ENGLISH, AND LANGUAGE IN GENERAL
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Ambtelijke taal gaat overboord
Zondag presenteert ombudsman Alex Brenninkmeijer het boek 'Zullen we zwaluwstaarten?' aan de Tweede Kamervoorzitter
Door onze redactie, Den Haag, [Dag, 21.11.2007]
'Laten we A and B zwaluwstaarten', zegt ambtelijk en politiek Nederland als ze bedoelt A en B met elkaar te verbinden.
De national ombudsman, Alex Brenninkmeijer, vindt dat het genoeg is geweest met al die ambtelijke taal. Termen als 'adstrueren, 'doorontwikkelen' en 'neerwaarts bijstellen' zijn vaag en nauwelijks te begrijpen. Daarom stelt hij de Nederlandse politiek voor om haar communicatie in het vervolg met wat minder vaktaal te doorspeken. Gerdi Verbeet, voorzitter van de Tweede Kamer, ontvangt zondag uit zijn handen het eerste exemplaar van het boek
Zullen we zwaluwstaarten? Staaltjes van ambtelijke (war)taal.
Weg dus met 'omslachtig en bureaucratisch taalgebruik'. Voor zijn boek droegen talloze ambtenaren zelf de ergste ambtelijke woorden en uitdrukkingen aan. Behalve complex zijn ze vaak ouderwets soms zelfs hilarisch.
Wat ze onderling doen, moeten ze natuurlijk zelf weten, maar nota's en brieven die bedoeld zijn voor een breder publiek kunnen stukken duidelijker. Brenninkmeijers: "Klare taal is een grondrecht. Klachten van burgers en instellingen over duister en Haags taalgebruik zijn welkom bij mij.'
In zijn boek staan, behalve duizend uitdrukkingen, achtergrondartikelen, interviews met daders en slachtoffers, ook schrijftips van taaldokters.
